Advice from LGBTQIA+
employees on how to navigate the workplace
One of the main take-aways for organisations that strive to become more LGBTQIA+ inclusive, is to listen to employees who identify themselves in such a way. At GoodHabitz, we tuned in with colleagues from the LGBTQIA+ community to discuss what it means to create an ‘LGBTQIA+ inclusive workplace’, ‘coming out at the workplace’, and ‘why microaggressions at the workplace matter’.
Giving the rainbow community within the company a voice
Please note that these answers are personal opinions. However, the experiences shared are useful for both HR professionals, as well as LGBTQIA+ people who are navigating their way through the workplace. All the tips are also bundled in ‘An employee’s guide to an LGBTQIA+ inclusive workplace’.
It all starts with defining what an inclusive workplace actually means, as only then can organisations act on it. Freedom of speech and expression are at the core of it according to GoodHabitz employees: an environment without prejudice.
Asad: “An LGBTQIA+ workplace is one where someone doesn’t feel like they must hide who they are from their colleagues. At the same time, it’s one where someone doesn’t feel compelled or forced to come out. It’s a workplace where people who are part of the community feel like they belong, and where they feel like they can talk openly about their sexuality or gender identity without fear that it could be used against them or lead to prejudice.”
He adds: “Some misinterpret an LGTBTQIA+ inclusive workplace for a situation in which employees from the community ‘out’ their orientation at work. It’s particularly important to realise that being ‘out’ at work is a personal choice.”
Felipe: “I never felt I must hide nothing from anyone in the company. I always feel comfortable being as gay as I am, expressing myself and my opinions with liberty. That’s what defines inclusivity for me."
Kevin agrees with Felipe. He says: “It’s odd to say but most of us spend more time in life with colleagues than friends or family. But it’s true! That’s why it’s so important to create an inclusive workplace. I, and I think I can speak for most of us, want to be myself and if I can’t be myself a substantial chunk of my life, I simply won’t be happy. I would move on in my career if my workplace wouldn’t be inclusive.”
Allowing people to be happy in your organisation requires HR professionals to put themselves into other people’s shoes, according to Robert. He states it’s the key to inclusion. “Truly try to put yourself in someone’s shoes, whether they are from the LGBTQ+ community, whether they are disabled, whether they are considered too old by many: does that really matter for the tasks they have to perform? For the competences they must bring to the table for a certain position? For the talents and diploma’s that they have? Wouldn’t you yourself want to be judged on the things that really matter and are relevant rather than irrelevant?”
3 lessons from ‘coming out at the workplace’
One thing that turned out to be very important for the GoodHabitz employees that were interviewed, was being ‘out’ at work.
A ‘coming out’ at work isn’t something to be rushed
Being out at work isn’t something to be rushed. Asad: “It took me several years to come out, and it was important for me to drop the mask I was carrying. It was also important to let colleagues understand who I am, which I was hiding beforehand.”
But it doesn’t stop there. Dhunna continuous: “But on a day-to-day I, like many other LGBTQIA+ people, am constantly coming out at work when I meet new people. This doesn’t happen in grand gestures, but more often in small day-to-day interactions.”
Stating your sexual orientation in the interview process gives insight into the state of LGBTQIA+ acceptance in your future workplace
All GoodHabitz employees that were interviewed highlighted the importance of themselves being out at work. Kevin states that for him, the most important moment to come ‘out’ is already in the interview process. Kevin: “I always talk about my sexual orientation in my very first job interview. I don’t say “I am gay”, but I drop the hint while saying that “I live in Amsterdam with my boyfriend and cat” or name anything that will directly tell the interviewer that I’m gay. If the interviewer starts to act differently, I know the workplace won’t be right for me. Their reaction is very crucial for me. I would rather find out in this stage of the process than find out later while being trapped in a working environment that is not very accepting towards the LGBTQIA+ community.”
Robert (HR Manager) also states the importance of ‘outing’ himself during the interview stage for a job opportunity. “I’m open about my sexual orientation straight away. Even in job interviews, the question of whether you are single or not is always asked, I immediately make it clear that I married a man.” The same goes for Felipe (Marketing Manager Brazil): “It’s one of the things that I first ask about company culture when I’m applying to a job position. For me it's super important to feel calm about this point.”
Being ‘out’ at work avoids complexity in building relations
Both Nadine (Customer Success Manager DACH) and Linda (Senior Sales Manager Germany) bring it up in a later stage or when people ask them about their relationship status. Linda: “Most of the time as soon as we are introduced. There are always questions about my private life and so I tell them.”
Nadine takes it one step further: “I told it immediately when it came to the point of relationship status. I live with my wife and son in Hamburg. Actually, many of my clients know that I´m gay. We coaches have a close relationship with our clients. I haven´t had one negative experience with my outing in the last 2 years.” The reason why is to avoid complexity in building relationships within your team, but also with your customers. “It's important to be directly open about your sexuality, otherwise it gets complicated.”
Felipe (Marketing Manager Brazil) takes a different approach when he comes out to colleagues or corporate relations. He doesn’t feel the need to announce his coming out at work. “I don't need to create a moment to come out of the closet. It really depends on the moment and the conversation. I always try to do this as naturally as possible, as I no longer feel that it should be a problem to be handled delicately. The problem is always with other people, who assimilate and digest the information the way they want. If someone asks me how my weekend was, I answer naturally, my boyfriend and I went to the movies or a party.”
Robert uses the same strategy and states: “With colleagues, I’m the same. It’s one of the first things I tell them about me personally: my husband’s name is Alfred….I never say upfront ‘I’m gay’ nor would any heterosexual introduce themselves by saying ‘I’m straight’. I want to keep it as normal as possible. I haven’t had any negative reactions at all during my time at GoodHabitz.”
Language matters for the LGBTQIA+ community
Assumptions are at the core of microaggressions. But what are microaggressions? Microaggression is a term used for verbal, behavioral or environmental comments, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative attitudes toward stigmatized or culturally marginalized groups.
Microaggression was coined by Harvard University psychiatrist Chester M. Pierce in 1970 to describe insults that he regularly witnessed non-black Americans inflicting on African Americans. The term evolved and nowadays the definition is about creating a negative attitude towards a group of people. The phrase ‘that’s so gay!’ is perhaps the most famous example of that.
Kevin: “At the beginning of my career, I laughed bittersweet when colleagues said such things. Nowadays, I am more confident about my sexuality, and I say something about it. Associating negative or weak things with sexuality should be a thing of the past, even though most people don’t mean anything by saying things like 'that’s so gay’ or ‘who’s the man or woman in the relationship?’. I noticed that my colleagues take language into account since I have said something about it. They don’t always realise that it could be disrespectful.”
Felipe finds himself in that feedback. He shares an experience from the past: “The president of a company I worked for years ago used to do this ‘that’s so gay’ kind of joke in every meeting. I always felt insulted. I didn’t reply at that time because I think I was kind of scared and was so young to face this situation. Today that will be different.”
Linda: “I´m disappointed that gay is still a dirty word. That shouldn’t be the case in 2022. We should start saying ‘that’s so gay’ for positive things instead!”
Robert agrees but makes a sidenote. “My opinion is that ‘self-mockery’ is very important! I draw the line at insulting remarks and ignorance and prejudice and will correct people in that case, but a good humoristic joke and subsequently a good laugh has never hurt anyone as far as I’m concerned.”
Asad concludes: “Don’t assume. It’s easy to play into stereotypes or assume that someone is a certain type of person if they are gay. Often people assume all gay men are camp and effeminate. This isn’t always the case. Ensuring that you check in on your own biases is important. It all starts with education.”
GoodHabitz has various assets available to educate yourself on LGBTQIA+ inclusion:
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